RESUME :George W. Bush The White House, USA EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE LAW ENFORCEMENT: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available. MILITARY: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam. COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University. I was a cheerleader. PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected Governor of Texas. ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR: I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money. I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in American history. With the help of my brother, the Governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes. ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT: I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period. I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. I am the first president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record. I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one year period. After taking-off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history. I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. In my State of The Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends. I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a U.S. president. In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month. I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any president in U.S. history. I set the record for least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history. I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in wartime. To further fund my incursion into Iraq, I also cut funding for education, healthcare, and every other federally funded social program, thereby allowing me to continue to offer the richest 0.1% of U.S. citizens with record breaking tax cuts. In the face of rising difficulty in manning the war effort, I raised the draft age to 42, the highest age allowance for induction into military service in U.S. history. I passed the worst educational boondoggle in history with the "No Child Left Behind" initiative, then failed to fund it for a year and half. Even now, the funding allocated thus far is less than 10% of what is required to achieve the dictates of that bill. I have ignored the findings of 99% of the scientific community regarding global warming, refused to sign the Kyoto Protocol or even discuss alternatives to it, and have further lowered pollution standards for U.S. oil companies and their subsidiaries. As ocean temperatures and levels rise, glaciers melt, and hurricanes and tornadoes become more common and stronger, I continued to do nothing. A year after the Katrina Hurricane disaster, the worst natural disaster in U.S. history, I made sure there were still plenty of people in New Orleans that did not have housing or jobs, and the levee repair work was only enough to restore the levees to their former, inadequate state. I recommended and supported the first attempt in U.S. history to add an Amendment that would have institutionalized discrimination against a major segment of the population in the form of the "Protection of Marriage Amendment." I pushed to have scientific theory replaced with religious mysticism when I supported including "intelligent design" in school science curriculum. I violated several of the Bill of Rights Amendments when I authorized warrantless wiretaps of U.S. citizens. I then authorized the use of the information garnered from those wiretaps for prosecuting citizens, so long as the source for the information was not disclosed. I repeatedly reauthorized the illegal wiretaps, and when the information about the wiretaps was released in the news, I began a witchhunt to find the whistleblower and destroy him. I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people) shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. I've broken more international treaties than any president has in U.S. history. I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her. I am the first president in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community. I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government. I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees, and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention. I am the first president in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history. My political party used the Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision. I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history. I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and world security. I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice. RECORDS AND REFERENCES: All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed, and unavailable for public view. All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records or minutes from meetings that my Vice-president or I attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I managed to steal the election in 2004 through voter fraud in Iowa similar to what my brother Jeb and his lackey Kathleen Harris managed to pull off in 2000, but when deciding on who to vote for in 2006 and 2008, please consider my experience and keep in mind: none of the above is fabrication or lies.