Opinions Of The Month: December, 1998

People were chanting "No blood for oil!" Give me a break. The folks chanting that need to put the joints down now and then and pick up a news paper. This is not about oil, friend, this is about protecting millions of people from a publicly self-proven mass murderer and the weapons he's so determined to build, weapons capable of wiping out major cities in a single blow, weapons that use virulent germs, nerve agents, or nuclear explosion and radiation to KILL MILLIONS OF PEOPLE.

One of the signs said, "Make love, not war." Uh huh. Tell ya what, I'll make you all this offer: To the first person that flies over to Baghdad and hugs Saddam Hussein, takes a Polaroid of it, and sends it and the receipts for the trip to me, I'll pick up 100% of your traveling expenses. Think about it. You get to wrap your lovin' arms around a man whose sole aim is to go down in history for amassing biological and nuclear weapons and destroying millions of people, FOR FREE! You get to make some of that lovin' feelin' with a craven mass murderer in the interest of stopping any military aggression against him that he may have incurred due to his reticence in following through on the promises he made, promises exacted upon his defeat in a war he started. You get to play protector to this heinous criminal, and I'll pick up the tab.

Of course, you have to survive the trip and not get shot while approaching him. Don't forget to kiss his butt profusely. People have been known to be EXECUTED for not smooching his posterior sufficiently. On the other hand, don't be too careful. It wouldn't hurt my feelings at all if the last thing you saw in this life was a Ruger pointed at your face, held by a fat, moustached, cowardly dictator who just didn't think you were making enough love…

The Timing: Maybe I'm a sucker, but I believe the timing was a coincidence. UNSCOM pulled out and told the international leaders at the UN that Saddam was refusing more than ever to comply and was pushing harder than ever to prevent UN inspectors from doing their jobs. Retaliation was immediate, and rightly so. Also, the other Arab nations had pulled all their remaining support out in light of Saddam's latest actions. He was spitting on the UN and he was wide open. This was the best, and most appropriate, time to take a shot.

Saddam's Motives: I think Saddam honestly thought that, with Ramadan coming up and the impeachment looming over the President, that the U.S. was hamstrung for the time being. (Loud sound of buzzer) Wrong. Johnny, tell our contestant what he didn't win...

My Prediction: Saddam called yesterday (the first day of bombing) a "Day of Triumph". I think he thinks that provoking the U.S. into action has somehow helped him. It would justify using one of those nasty little weapons he's been developing. It would require that Iraq's allies, Russia and China, react. It's possible, though unlikely, that the bombing will continue on into Ramadan, angering Muslims worldwide and swinging Arab opinion and support back to his side.

I think Saddam is in for a nasty surprise.

Russia will protest loud and long, but they need the U.S. more than they need Iraq, oil not withstanding. The same goes for China. Trade with the U.S. is just too valuable, and Russia is being propped up on all sides by U.S. aid.

It's my belief that the leaders of this attack will try their best to stomp the hell out of Baghdad prior to Ramadan, then leave off. Obviously this will give Saddam a month to prepare for a continued attack. He's not going to back down completely, no way, but Iraq will not counter during that time. It's my understanding, weak as it is of the Muslim faith, that Ramadan is the holiest of times for the Muslim faith, and strict Muslims will simply not fight during that time. The U.S. should absolutely respect that. But following Ramadan, there's going to be international terrorist acts and some kind of direct retaliation by Saddam. He'll have had a whole month to get ready, and I think he'll spend that time currying as much favor as possible and positioning his troops and weapons. When the last prayer is said and the fast is broken... Get ready to rumble.

I voted for Bill twice and I was a pretty strong supporter, right up until he admitted he messed around. Then I thought he was pretty stupid for the way he handled what should have been nothing more than an extra-marital affair. At this point I think he's quite the idiot for dragging this out the way he has. No matter what you may think of the Republicans for driving forward on the impeachment process, it's Billy's fault that it got this far at all. (It was Kenneth Starr's fault that the affair got aired in the first place, but that's a whole different subject). After the elections, when the Republicans came up so terribly short, Bill had a chance to extend an olive branch and get out with an 11^th hour reprieve.

But no.

He had to rub their faces in it, and the Republicans responded as anyone would to a sore winner. They turned around and kicked his butt.

The Right Thing To Do: Bill should resign. Actually, he should have done that about, oh, a year ago? Is that when this all started? Yeah, about then. Now he's so terribly sullied the office of President that survival is all that's left to him. No matter what else he does, he'll go down in history as the lying philanderer that was TOO STUPID TO KNOW WHEN TO QUIT. Sometimes, you don't quit because you can't win, you quit because it's the right thing to do in the bigger picture.

The Outcome: Well, the impeachment is a sure thing. He will be impeached. Equally sure is that Congress will not convict him on the charges or remove him from office. Well… put it this way: it's about as sure as the impeachment process was of failing about a month ago. Could Bill screw up and get removed as well?

Heck yeah! Hey, he's Bill "hand-me-another-bullet-I'm-not-done-shooting-myself-in-the-foot" Clinton.

No, I felt this way before and Bob Dole's "idea" cemented the chance of it happening. Impeachment is just a formal accusation. The trial for to decide the validity of the accusation and the penalty for guilt is held in the Senate. As with any trial, there can be plea bargaining, and Bill is already laying the groundwork for censure. He has said he'll accept it, and more than a few Republicans, not wanting him to get off with no penalty at all, have suggested censure. Impeachment with censure is probably the maximum they'll be able to get, and I seriously doubt even the rabid, foaming at the mouth, extreme right GOP members think it will pay to push forward with a Senate trial.

Open Letter to WJC: Hey Bill! I just want to thank you for being a complete jerk, for making the entire country look bad, for bringing disgrace on the office you were entrusted with, for dragging out the embarrassment as long as was humanly possible. It's your fault at this point, buddy. Get over yourself, will ya?

Open Letter to Chelsea: Miss Clinton, you may want to consider changing your name, as much to punish your "father" as to in some small part avoid the mantle of shame that will surely fall on the shoulders of every near and distant relative of WJC.

Open Letter to Hillary: What can I possibly say to you? You're an idiot? He makes you look like a complete dipstick every time you're seen walking by his side? "Hey, look at this guys, I totally OWN this woman. I can screw around repeatedly and she will still 'Stand By Her Man', publicly no less! Can you believe it? What a RUBE! She's worth every dime I paid for her, yup!" Geez lady, grow a spine and some self respect, kick him in the crotch at one of the press conferences, take a bow, and walk away! You could be the next President, and you'd set a decent example for your poor DAUGHTER! Don't you owe it to her to show her that you do NOT take that kind of crap from ANYONE?! I guess in your case, the answer is no…

WOW! South Carolina dropped out of the anti-trust lawsuit Monday, December 7^th. State Attorney General Charles Condon is essentially saying that Microsoft didn't improperly use its dominant position supplying computer operating system software on more than 90 percent of personal computers to wrest control of the Internet browser market from Netscape. Charlie stated that there was more than enough competition and innovation in web technologies and implied that Microsoft was just playing good old fashioned hardball.

Mr. Condon was seen, lighting a Cuban cigar with a flaming thousand dollar bill, driving away from the press conference in a brand new Ferrari with a bumper sticker that said, "What company do you want to watch Bill crush today?"

Ok, that last part didn't happen. But come on, someone connected with a certain southeast coastal state is either on the take or is just plain stupid. Personally, I don't think ole Charlie is the dullest blade in the drawer, but he's swinging without a net OR a trapeze if he thinks he can hide that extra digit that suddenly appeared on the end of his annual salary… Of course, that is my personal opinion…

NRA spokesman Bill Powers stated, "There's absolutely no purpose served by the FBI keeping this list [of customers who are approved for a gun purchase]. These are people who are approved, who have no record, who have committed no crime. Just because you've legally purchased a legal product, you're suddenly on an FBI hit list," he said. "It's an Orwellian nightmare."

Now Bill, ole buddy, let's look at that:

"…absolutely no purpose…". Except for tracking the owner of a gun used in the commission of a crime.

"These are people who are approved, who have no record…" No criminal has a record until he's caught and convicted. If they don't commit a crime with their gun, if their gun isn't found at the scene of a crime, if someone they know doesn't die from a gunshot wound inflicted by a gun that can be traced back to them, they won't have a record either.

"Just because you've legally purchased a legal product…" DESIGNED to KILL people…

"you're suddenly on an FBI hit list" The DMV keeps a list of everyone that owns a car, regardless of their driving record, and no one has a problem with that either. It's not referred to as a "hit list". It's the DMV records.

I understand Santa keeps a hit list of who's naughty and nice, but I don't think anyone's alarmed by it. I don't expect elves to break down my door someday just because I was naughty and kept the extra change the grocery store clerk gave me because she miscounted, throw me to the ground, rough me up, slap high-impact plastic Dick Tracy handcuffs on me, throw into the backseat of a Barbie Corvette, drive me to a Yosemite Sam Jailhouse, and lock me up.

"It's an Orwellian nightmare." Inflammatory language and nothing more. It's my personal opinion, expression of which is guaranteed by the First Amendment, that Mr. Powers needs a strong dose of therapy to get over the possibility that his mother didn't hug him enough. And a good hobby.

(From 12/1/98) We can't win this one. Saddam is protected by the very fact that the U.S. can't get U.N. support for nuking Bahgdad. Whenever the inspection teams get too close, Saddam shuts them down. This buys him at least a couple of days to move the operation elsewhere. During that time he also scores points internationally by claiming that the inspections are over by virtue of the unfairness and extensity of the U.N. sanctions. The U.S. wastes millions of dollars rattling it's saber and comes out looking like a bully for pushing Iraq around rather than showing mercy and lowering the economic sanctions.

Eventually, the sanctions will have to be lifted (unless we can convince the world that we need another Cuba). When that happens, Saddam will sell oil. Billions of barrels of it. It will drop oil prices fantastically, but it will also raise billions of dollars for the Iraqi government, dollars (actually, dinars) used to buy arms and munitions. Tons of them. The Iraqi war machine will rise again with Saddam pointing it in any direction his deranged, insane mind can fathom.

So does the U.S. have a legal right to kill another country's leader? No. Iraq is a sovereign nation and if they don't want Saddam as their leader, then the governed from whom the powers of government are derived will have to rise up and overthrow him.

Would the U.S., or any organization or individual, be justified in killing him? Yes. Oh yes. He's an insane murderer and he needs to be stopped. Don't come back to me about how many of the world's governments have been responsible for the deaths of thousands. Focus instead on the magnitude of the crimes committed or conducted by this single, evil man. Until he dies, Iraq represents a threat to the world.

Do not blame the Iraqis though, except possibly for not yet overthrowing this demon. Therein lies the burden of going to war with Saddam again. He will hide behind innocents and incense the world over their deaths when bombs reprise his treaty violations. Pity the Iraqi people for their weakness before such a crushing, cannabalistic leader. Blame Saddam of the iron fist. And kill him. Soon.

(From 12/1/98) I wrote a couple of months ago that Hillary should leave Bill and stand alone politically. Well, the time for that has passed. They are two peas in a pod, like-minded and single-missioned consummate politicians. Bill should have resigned, but he has no pride, dignity, or self-respect. Hillary continues to support him for the same reasons. They have both sold their souls for money, power, and position.

Chelsea. Now here is the real victim in all of this. Everyone else seems to be relishing their roles in this nasty little drama, but Chelsea's family and name are forever sullied by her father's actions and her mother's inactions. Pity her. And expect a tell-all biography when she hits about 25…

Dr. Kevorkian is in the news for another assisted suicide. It's getting a lot of attention because, this time, there was no "Kevorkian machine". Kevorkian, for the first time in his career, administered the lethal injection that took the life of Thomas Youk. I think Kevorkian should just hold out. More and more of the baby boomers are getting old enough to see that, one day, it could and probably will be them that will wish they could take the easy way out due to some horrendous, crippling disease. The laws will change and people will be allowed to seek some control over their final moments and their exit from their mortal coil. I'm not saying Kevorkian should be sainted or anything -- he's just doing the right thing, albeit publicly and with a seeming taste for noteriety -- but the laws he's breaking are just plain unempathetic and unjust.

Did you notice that Bill Gate's attorneys appear to have applied for the same mail-order law degree as Bill Clinton's lawyers? Both Bills, when initially deposed, claimed to remember little or nothing of the events for which they're being scrutinized. Both Bills are sticking by their guns, claiming they did nothing wrong. Both are hiding behind legal interpretation and spin control.

And both are coming out stinking to high heaven.

Billy-boy, yer goin' down…