September 2001

September 11th, 2001: WAR!

Osama bin Laden must die.

But now I'm going to back off from my line of the past few days. I was pissed off and rightly so, but I've got a grip, I've shaken off the knee-jerk first reaction to the WTC attack, and here's my solution for the Osama thing:

The Taliban doesn't want to give him up, right? Ok, no problem. Here's a quick history lesson for the Taliban: Remember the USSR and how they invaded your tiny, poverty-stricken country? Remember how we supplied you with arms and training? Remember how, thanks to the U.S., you threw off the yoke of your oppressor? Ok, now that our memories are refreshed, pan forward to the present day.

Afghanistan is in the midst of now well-known civil war. The Taliban, the group in control, is fighting a running battle with the Northern Alliance. Y'know, the Taliban, by harboring an international criminal, has made of itself a criminal regime. So I think it behooves the U.S. to back any regime with hopes of toppling the Taliban.

Boys! Unpack those training manuals! Congress, pass the bill that will allow the flow of arms and financial aid to the Northern Alliance! We don't have to fight this fight. We can supply a group more likely to run the country in a legal way with the means to throw off the yoke of its current oppressor and to take control over a country of people who, in the Taliban's own words, are "already in a great deal of misery."

I give it 6 months after Congress passes that bill. Either the Taliban hands bin Ladin over to the FBI trussed up like a luau pig, in which case we immediately withdraw our aid to their enemies, or the Northern Alliance tosses his butt over the border as soon as they take over. Either way, we don't get our hands dirty at all. Our presence is all over it, but in effect we simply provide the means for the Arab world to take care of its own. And no matter how tastey a nuclear strike might sound, the Afghani people are not at fault here. Yeah, the Taliban is extremely weird, but they probably think we're pretty weird too. Let's not stoop to the level of bin Ladin by crushing innocent people just to get one criminal. Instead, let's respect the right of the Arab peoples to crush each other, if they deem it necessary, and place our bets and our aid with the group we favor, whichever group that turns out to be. And keep in mind, whichever group hands over bin Ladin gets the FBI's $5 million reward for his capture...

And to those Palestinians that would celebrate the horrible deaths of so many innocents: go straight to Hell. I hope the next Israel bombs fired to protect Israeli interests in the West Bank find your sorry asses and blow you to bits so small your stinking families won't have anything to bury.

Osama bin Ladin's sheep:
  • Walid Al Shehri
  • Wail Alsheri aka Waleed Alsheri
  • Mohammad Atta
  • Aabdul Alomari
  • Satam Sugami
  • Marawn Alshehhi
  • Fayez Ahmed
  • Mohald Alshehri
  • Hamza Al Ghamdi
  • Ahmed Al Ghamdi
Why do I list them here? So their families can be properly shamed. So that parents that could give rise to such monsters will have their shame held up high. So the world knows what families to spit on, to curse, to revile.
I challenge Osama to a fist fight to the death. I will pay all his expenses to travel to the location of his choice to meet me in a caged death match. Y'know why he won't accept? Cowardice! I'd rip his damned body apart a piece at a time. I'd make him suffer horribly. He's a coward and deserves to die a coward's death.
Osama bin Ladin: You're mother was a goat, and your father was goat feces. Borne of an animal, you rut with animals. Borne of excrement, your heart is excrement. Find me. Come to me. Let me give you the death you so deserve, you coward. Every cell in my body screams for your blood. My fingers itch to rip the flesh from your bones. I dream of exacting the payment of vengeance required of you. I fantasize of holding your scrawny, dirty neck to the ground, ripping your gut open with my other hand, squirming my fingers up through your guts to clutch your heart and pulling, straining, tearing that black organ from its cavity with a loud, sucking, bloody noise, then shoving it, stuffing it into your gaping, gasping, gangrenous mouth, choking you on your own evil. And in that dream, I hold your broken carcass, shit returned to shit, for your mindless followers to gaze upon. "LOOK! Behold your leader! This is what you were willing to die for! This is the pestilent madman that drove you to give your lives to a cause dedicated to the vilest murders! You idiots!!" And then I would drop you to the ground. And spit upon you. And my final words to your followers would be simply this, "And so also to all who would strike at the heart of the Land of the Free, and the Home of the Brave."
George Bush is not an articulate man, but I'll give it to him, he's obviously touched by what happened.

I challenge George Bush to beef up U.S. intelligence operations.

I challenge George Bush to *not* screw this up. Find the perpetrators and make them pay.

Change my mind about you George. Rise to the occasion, live up to the stature of your office.

And I challenge the FAA:

  • All cockpit doors should be bullet proof and unbreakable.
  • All pilots should be armed.
  • All flights should have air marshalls.
  • All luggage should be x-rayed.
  • All luggage should be tested for explosives residue.
  • All ground crew should be required to pass a background check.
  • All flight crews should be trained in the martial arts.
Is it just me, or does it seem like there's little chance that anyone would succeed in hijacking a plane right now? So let's think ahead on this one. If you were a scumbag like bin Ladin with lot's of time to kill and not enough puppies to drown, what would you do next?

Your targets are American icons. Symbols of things that make spiritual gnats like Osama quiver with hate and jealousy. You need a new mode of transport and readily available bomb materials. Based on this, here are things I think our foe will attempt:

  • Hijacking fuel tanker trucks, strapping little home-made plastique explosives to the tank as starter charges, and driving them schools and universities.
  • Stealing smaller planes from small-craft airports, loading them up with fertilizer bombs, and flying them into sporting events. Lot's of TV coverage already rolling and no military protection whatsoever.
  • Anthrax sprinkled out the window of a high-rise hotel in San Francisco or L.A. (Remember, Saddam Hussein is probably helping whoever organized the WTC attack, and he was developing biological weapons...)
I do not think we need to worry about the following:
  • Bombing the Statue of Liberty
  • Bombing any state capitals
  • Bombing Disneyland
Why? These aren't symbols whose destruction is easily defensible, and their destruction would not garner the support in the Arab world that the WTC and Pentagon did and the White House would have. State capitals are small potatoes. Hardly worth the effort. The Statue of Liberty is a positive symbol to people around the globe, whereas the WTC and the White House were seen as symbols of the U.S.'s power. And Disneyland? If Osama hurt Disneyland, I honestly believe the Taliban would have thrown him out of the country on his ear. We're talking about "The Happiest Place On Earth," created solely for the benefit of little kids. There is no special place in Allah's heaven for destroying that.

We need to think one step ahead and be ready for the more likely events that may come up. The price of freedom, as has been stated so many times in the past, is vigilance. Let us not be caught with our pants down.

One Arab official had the audacity to send his condolences and in the same breath suggest that the U.S. should perhaps, in light of the negative feedback the WTC attack represents, change its foreign policies.

I think he's right.

Yes, I believe we'll change our policies. And just wait until you see what our stance on the Arab world is after this... It ain't gonna be pretty...

Kudos to those entertainers and sporting organizations that canceled events for this weekend. Jeers to those that thought it appropriate to start "getting on with life" while rescuers are still trying to dig people out of the rubble.

Bush: Killing Us Softly With His Idiocy...Part III

The U.S. Department of Justice announced that it had been instructed by President Bush to cease its drive to break up Microsoft, which has already been found guilty of violating U.S. anti-trust law in a complaint filed by the Federal Government and 19 states.

Let me get this straight...

The executive branch instructed the judicial branch to drop the remedy decided upon by the judicial branch for crimes committed by a major corporation, crimes which are deemed, under federal anti-trust laws, to be injurious to the economy and fair competitive business? MFFB has instructed the DOJ to just turn the other cheek and let MicroDeath off with a wrist slap?

Y'know, I have this mental image of a sign on the White House door, complete with MFFB's greasey fingerprints, that reads, "Republican Central: Open For Business. All major credit cards accepted. Corp Friendly!" Next I picture Bill Gates stepping up to that door, looking around to see if any news agencies are looking, then stepping through while fishing out his wallet. Cut to the Oval Office, where Bush is playing with his Game Boy while his big oil buddies.... err, advisors... sit around planning the dissolution and plunder of the nation's natural resources. Billy Boy Gates enters, takes a seat next to the Prez's desk, interrupts the Prez's "work", and asks if there's any way to get the Big Bad DOJ off his back. At the same time he makes a show of writing a check to the "Get MFFB Re-Elected" campaign fund. MFFB peers over at the check and, in between blasting bad guys on his Game Boy, mutters, "Add another zero and your troubles are over," then takes a long pull on his Orange Crush and continues aiming for a new high score...

Now Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly has the unenviable job of telling the 800 pound hairy bully, standing in the middle of a playground littered with the torn bodies of its classmates, to just play nice from now on and we'll just forget all about it...

COME ON PEOPLE!! GET REAL!! There is no way you can tell Microsoft to just play nice and expect it to honor the laws it flouted for the past 10 years and it just got off scott free for breaking!! For crying out loud, what does it take to get JUSTICE around here?!

Bush Needs To Clean Up His Act

This was originally entitled, "Impeach Bush", but that doesn't really seem appropriate right now, does it? So instead, I'd appreciate it if we didn't lose sight of some of the slimey crap Bush has pulled up until now:

He's breaking the international treaties to which America agreed and upon which American Presidents put their names.

He's handing our natural resources, our preserves, our parks, our treasures, over to companies world-reknowned for destroying the environment and poisoning animals and people.

He's breaking his promise to our elderly and pillaging Social Security.

He's spending the first budget surplus in 50 years by giving the top 1% of the richest people and corporations in America huge tax breaks.

He's evil. Period. Clinton slept around and got impeached for lying about it. Stupid, but hardly a threat to the fiber of the nation. Bush is destroying the nation. We don't need a missile defense system, which, by the way, would have been useless in the WTC attack. We certainly don't need stronger oil companies. And God forbid that Microsoft gets any stronger. We need more money for education. We need to protect the money that the elderly were forced to pay in all their lives for their own retirements. We need to protect our children and their futures.

When election time comes around, vote the Monkey Faced Frat Boy out of office before he destroys us all.