12/14/2003:   Today it's being reported that Saddam Hussein has been found by the U.S. Army hiding in a hole on a farm. Videos of him being inspected by a U.S. Army doctor were shocking and, frankly, rather cool. The armed forces are elated. Most Iraqis and Iraqi ex-patriates are ecstatic.

12/14/2003:   Saddam is finally in custody, and the politicians are busy making hay with it.

12/05/2003:   The Savemart down the street from my house sucks. Make no mistake, I've tried to tolerate it. I've ignored the pleas from my wife, family, and friends to go to a better grocery store. It's close, I thought, valuing convenience and time saved, but now my patience has completely run out, and I'm so angry at the final insult I received today that I must tell the whole world.

Savemart sucks.

I'm sure somewhere in the world there is a Savemart that doesn't suck, or whose degree of suckocity isn't nearly so rank, but the Savemart down the street from my house has attained a level of suckness that rivals high school detention and parking tickets. Well, come to think of it, I could always get a date with one of the stoner babes in detention. But I really hate parking tickets...

This grocery store never seems to be fully stocked. On every visit, there is some item that I reach for only to find a wide, barren section of shelf. A lonely scrap of paper and a wad of gum keep each other company where, according to the label on the shelf (if it hasn't fallen off) there should be things like Roman Meal bread or Pepperidge Farm Orange Milano cookies.

And let's talk about Pepperidge Farm's line of Milano cookies, shall we? Anyone that knows me knows that I love Orange and Raspberry Milanos. LOVE them. But when I go to the Savemart down the street, do you know what I find? Rows and rows of Mint Milanos. The mint variety is ok, but after a while it's not that different from a fresh Girl Scout Thin Mint, y'know? And cookies that remind me of brushing my teeth are just not high on my list.

You would think that, after a while, the grease pit genius turned grocery store manager that runs this place would say to himself, "Hm, these stinking Mint Milanos keep piling up and no one buys them. But we can't keep the Orange and Raspberry Milanos on the shelf. We should order less Mint and more of the other stuff." BUT NO!! We can't do that, CAN WE?!

And that's just one example. The produce sucks, the carts are piled haphazardly in front of the store, and there's never enough cashiers.

Which brings me to what happened today. There are two cashiers that work there, and we'll use them in contrast for the purposes of this story. One we'll call Vanessa and the other Rebecca.

Rebecca is wonderful. She likes helping people, she's friendly, she's always got a smile, she's never in a bad mood. It probably helps that she's also stunningly good looking, but that has nothing to do with how she treats people. She's just nice, y'know, and she does her job well.

Vanessa on the other hand is never in a good mood. She's surly, she's irritable, and she always has an attitude that says, "You are a pain, and if they weren't paying me to stand here and ring up your stupid groceries, I wouldn't waste my time breathing the same air as you." Maybe it's because Vanessa is, how should I say this, ugly? She's not attractive, but when you put her face together with her attitude, in my personal opinion I really think "ugly" is the appropriate word.

Got it? Ok, let's apply what we know about these two to what happened today.

As usual, the lines were 6 and 7 people deep at the checkout. I've been standing there a while, and I look over, and in the very next lane is Vanessa. There is no one in her line. She's manning the "express" lane which, by the way, is *never* "express." Vanessa is busy chatting with two boys in street clothes. After a couple of minutes with Vanessa taking an impromptu break while I wait for the cashier in my line to deal with some sleepy old fart buying groceries and stamps with a third party out of state check written in Irdu, I decide to see if I can just get out of there sometime today. I push my cart into Vanessa's line and say cheerfully, "You can help me, can't you?"

Vanessa takes a look at my cart, then at me like I must be completely out of my mind to try to get into the "15 Items Or Less" line with 20 items, and says that she can't. Nope, sorry, if I do that the line will back up. Folks, there is no one behind me! Exactly what customers does she think are going to back up? So I reply, "You're kidding, right?" Making Vanessa think up more excuses has distracted her from hiding her true feelings, and the plastic almost-smile she had on a second ago has melted into a smirk of total disgust. She starts to tell me how she would get in trouble with her manager if she violated store policy when a lady with an arm basket comes up behind me. "See?!" crows Vanessa triumphantly, now that she's sure I can see that I'm "backing up" the line.

I look at her one more time. I can't believe she's so determined to not help me. I have my four year old in the basket. I quickly weigh my options and decide that leaping across the counter to choke the life out of this wench wouldn't be setting a good example for my kid, so I back my cart out saying, "Fine. No problem. You'd rather sit on your butt and talk to your friends than do your job? Ok. Fine."

When I backed out, the lady behind me assumed that Vanessa's lane was closed -- which for all intents and purposes it was -- and went to another lane. Did Vanessa call her back? Are you kidding me?! Of course not! Vanessa went back on break, chatting with her friends.

I should have requested a manager. I should have complained loud and long. I really would have liked to make a huge stinkin' scene. Part of the problem was time. I needed to get home, get my kid some lunch, and put her down for a nap so she'd have enough time to sleep before I got her out of bed and drove to pick up her sisters from school. I've got a schedule that doesn't allow for much leeway. But Vanessa has tons of time on her hands, doesn't she?

Now let's bring it full circle. Vanessa has worked for that Savemart for the last 3 years at least. And she has *always* had a stinkey attitude. But she STILL WORKS THERE! WHY?!

Because Savemart sucks!

12/01/2003:   Yesterday, 41 year old Nathaniel Jones walked into a White Castle fast food restaurant, high on cocaine and PCP, and passed out. Paramedics arrived. Jones woke up, started acting strangely, then walked out. The paramedics called the police. When police arrived they tried to figure out what was going on. With the words, "White boy, redneck," Jones flipped out and attacked the officers. It took the both of them wailing on him with nightsticks and four backup officers to subdue Jones.

Shortly after he was subdued, the officers noticed he had a pulse, but was no longer breathing. They called paramedics back to the scene, but by the time Jones got to the hospital, he was dead.

Well. Hm. Given what the news agencies are reporting, it sounds to me like Old Jonesy committed a "Blue Suicide" of a rather unique form. Amp yourself up on drugs, then duke it out with the police until you over exert yourself and die. Well done. Creative. Another candidate for the "Darwin Awards."

But then it gets strange. You see, the entire fight is caught on the police car video tapes. There are eye witness accounts to corroborate the video. And yet the NAACP is crying foul.

I can hear you saying to yourself, "But Todd," which is a strange thing to say to yourself unless your name is Todd, "why would the NAACP having a knee-jerk reaction surprise you?"

And y'know, I guess you're right. But to give credit where credit is due, or at least points for better behaviour, the NAACP is not foaming at the mouth over this incident. I think they feel they are expected to say something, but after looking at the video, they know that this moron had it coming. Jones rolled the dice and crapped out. Boo hoo.

"We are not trying to say that this gentleman was innocent. I don't know what the circumstances were, but I have seen the film, and the kind of beating that I observed would raise questions in anyone's mind," said Dr. Calvert Smith, president of the Cincinnati chapter of the NAACP. I agree completely. The question that came to my mind was, "Can't Cincinnati find bigger policemen?" Jones was tossing these guys around like rag dolls. If it hadn't been for the night sticks, he'd probably have killed them instead.

Lt. Col. Richard Janke of the Cincinnati P.D. said his officers "responded well." That's putting it nicely. These guys deserve commendations for dealing with such a violent individual and putting their lives on the line to arrest someone who was big, strong, violent, and out of control on powerful psychoactive and stimulant drugs. They put themselves between a dangerous man and the general public. They served and protected in fine form.

But instead -- get this -- Officers Baer (sp?) and Oscarman (sp?) have been placed on administrative leave. They're being punished! This is just stupid. This guy -- with an enlarged heart, by the way -- was amped up so high he'd already passed out one time. He orchestrated his own demise. These cops were not the only the only instrument Jones chose. They were unwilling participants in Jones' final, convoluted dance.

Roger Webster, FOP President, said the officers were told, "Go out and do your job and we'll treat you worse than a criminal." I guess that about sums it up.

Meanwhile, Jones is dead, robbing us all of the chance to have him sue the police department for whatever he thought he could get paid for and whining about how his rights were trampled. Give me a frikkin' break....

12/01/2003:   The Birmingham News showed its true colors, or lack thereof, when it published the following statement on its web site:

"Atrue [sic] leader must be daring and inspirational. George W. Bush's top-secret trip to Baghdad on Thanksgiving Day proves once again that, like him or not, this president is a true leader."

I was so disgusted by this statement that I wrote to the editor of this rag, to wit:

"George W. Bush's trip to see the U.S. troops stationed in Iraq, serving mash potatoes and giving inspirational speeches, does not paint him as 'Atrue leader' (your misspelling, not mine). George W. Bush is a cheerleader, not a true leader. Does he need some political currency? You bet he does, and what better way to get it than to play up to the nation's sentimentality over its brave men and women in the armed forces.

"I'd have been more impressed if he'd met with the Iraqi provisional government while he was there, and I'd have been even more impressed if he'd met with the investigative teams trying to figure out where the WMDs are (assuming they exist). On the other hand, I would *not* have been impressed at all if he'd, as your paper stated, "put on a helmet, took up arms and led a squad of soldiers into battle," because I don't believe we should have been there in the first place. What battle would I want him to lead a squad of soldiers into? How about a battle against oil interests that would pass policies for our nation? How about battles defending Social Security? How about battles for health industry reform? The list goes on and on; there are many ways Mr. Bush *could* show true leadership skills. Spooning mash potatoes was not one of the ones I was looking for."

12/1//2003:   Chris Rix lovingly tucked the ball into P.K. Sam's hands from 52 yards away for the touch down that capped a spectacular game between the Florida State University Seminoles (YEA!!) and the University of Florida Gators (hhiissss!). That's five wins in the last six meetings between these intense cross-state rivals, and I for one just want to reiterate what I always say when asked which football team I like: "FSU Seminoles, baby, and God Bless Bobby Bowden and the DARNED fine work he's doin' with those boys!"

'Nuff said.

12/15/2003:   Wanna see a cool web site? Check this out: http://www.tgesoft.com/. Pretty cool, huh? Neat products, too...