Parents should spank their children. I don't mean beat them, but there is definitely a point where the parent should be able to exert a level of control over their children that a stern look doesn't provide. Yes, I've talked to parents that claim to have raised their children without spanking them. The one person that I actually believed when he told me this is a man that's 6'6" and big. He told me he only ever had to spank each of his 4 children once. Geez, if I was this guy's kid, I'm sure it would only take one spanking from him to set me straight for life...

There are people that tell you that you shouldn't spank your children.

These are the same people that tell you you should trust your children, that you shouldn't snoop on them, that you should treat them as though they are completely innocent and trustworthy until they prove themselves otherwise.

These are usually the same people who feel that society should not do the parenting of the children. They don't want drug testing or metal detectors or random locker searches at schools. And they blame all bad things that kids do on the parents.

I say, "Make up your mind."

In a society where everyone looks out for everyone else's kids, a society usually found in very small communities where everyone knows everyone else, it's easier to trust your kids. It's easier to control them, to guide them, to have a grip on what they do and don't do.

In a society where there are too many people for the parent to know everyone their kids are hanging out with, where people don't have the time or feel the obligation to report back to the parents if they see the kids doing something they shouldn't, where people have a "don't get involved" attitude when they see a kid in trouble, it falls to the parents to attempt to exert a tighter control.

Unfortunately it seems that the second society is the most prevalent in this day and age, and I would rather put a hand to my kids' butts early in their development than pick them up from the jail or identify them in the morgue later. And yes, I see a direct connection between loving discipline and my child's odds of having a strong moral foundation.

Now, to be sure, I'm not talking about beating the kids. At the very worst, 3 pops on the butt is enough to get the point across to a 4 year old that they have gone way across the line. Usually the threat of a spanking is enough to get her attention. I do my best to balance the punishment with explanation. I send her to her room until I'm cool enough to handle the situation slowly and logically. If I still feel the act merits a swat, I sit down with her and explain why she's going to get a spanking. We go over it a few times so she's clear on it. Then she gets her spanking. Then she has to sit in her room and think about what happened and why. Then it's time for hugs, smooches, and more talking about what happened and why. I'm trying to be very careful to make sure that my child doesn't see me punish her when I'm angry. I don't want her to tie anger with violence. I want her to see the spanking as the consequence to bad behaviour, not as a release for anger inspired by bad behaviour. It's an important distinction to draw.

But at the same time, I want to instill a small amount of fear in my children. I want them to be damn afraid to mess with drugs, sex, and gangs. Heck, I want an icy chill to run down their spine every time one of their friends suggests skipping class. There will be never be any question that I love my kids, but they will also respect and, yes, if they are screwing up, fear me.